A Super-Woman's Diary

Image by Puzzler4879 via Flickr As I sit here on the edge of my bed, I begin to hear a song in my heart. It then leads to my throat and all of a sudden the words come out. I have never written a song before, nor have I ever tried to write a song, however, as I began to think of all the disappointments and heart-aches I have ever experienced; the words just came out. "I wanna let go this time. I wanna be mine all mine. I want the love that only God has for me. Don't wanna be wrong this time. I wanna be whole oh my. I want the love that only comes from being free." ~Didi

I met him online. His face caught my eye. Not because he was good-looking, but because he was intriguing. His personality flew off the pages of his "social-network", and drew me completely in, like freshly brewed coffee on a Sunday morning. I wanted to know more about him. I wanted to meet him and listen to his mind.....man did he let me down. 

She asked me a simple question and I became speechless. Not because I didn't know what to say, because trust me, I knew what to say. No one had ever asked me that question before and I was not at all ready to say it out loud. I figured as long as it was in my mind, I would be safe. I love to store old memories there, like an old-but still reliable hard drive I plan to use again someday. Oddly enough, the moment I began to speak the words aloud, I could see each word, sentence and phrase disintegrate right in front of my face. "When did you know it was him? I mean like when did you know he was the one you wanted to be with?" At first I didn't know whether to say something or run and hide. I thought for a moment and took in all the air I could. Then I spoke the realest shish I ever spoke....(it went something like this) I knew when I looked into his eyes. It was weird actually. I was standing there at the bus stop, minding my own business, when he pulled up and started...

I am starting to feel like "what's the use..." when it comes to me and relationships. I am 30+ years old and I am still single, without even the smallest of possibilities knocking down my door. I mean sure I have guys that want to have "Sexual relations" with me, but not one of them really see me for me. I am starting to think that maybe I should be single, and move past this feeling of defeat. I mean really, I feel really defeated as far as every relationship or 'lack there of' I have ever had. I mean what is the use of trying any more? I'm so hurt by all this loneliness, that I don't even care to have one anymore. I mean guys just look right through now-a-days. Case and point, there is a guy I like right now and he doesn't even know my name; despite the fact I have seen him several times before and I spent a whole week in his presence. As I type this, my eyes feel up with tears just thinking about it. What am I doing wrong? Everyone else......

Okay so when I woke up that morning, and after I prayed, I began to think of him. It is weird how this has all of a sudden become my daily routine. I blame him of course for this instant infiltration of my mind. Yes, it is all his fault that I only want to see his face in my dreams and in my "awake-ness". I find it hard not to think about him. I pray for him. I check on him. I love to see his face and I love to hear his voice. Someone might say I am infatuated by him; I say I am intrigued by him. He makes me better. Anyway, on the day in question I went about my daily routine as usual and after a large gathering of minds, I had the wonderful opportunity to be in his presence. It was like 1000 fireworks went off in my body when I saw his face. I lit up like the sun! I felt calm and at peace in my spirit. This happens every-time I see his face. This dude moves me yo! So after foodies, laughter and stimulating conversation, it was time to go. Here is where a "habit" tu...

Él : Ven a pasar la noche conmigo . sólo me ayudan a conciliar el sueño. Yo: No , gracias . Pasar la noche en sus brazos no suena la pena para nada. *I know better*