Like a bad horror movie pt1

Been So Long
Current mood: Moody
Category: Life

Wow, I haven't written a blog in forever and a day. I almost forgot completely that I had a blog, that is until the very reason I started this blog in the first place - showed me once again; how much I need to start writing again.

Let's see, so much has happened since I last posted, and I have to admit - I really wish most of it never happened at all. As much as I appreciate 2012, I'm extra glad I will never have to see it or relive a single moment of it! Ups and downs can not even begin to discribe the emotional rollercoaster I was forced to endure. Heart-ache, loniness, pain, lies, hurt, sickness, debit, curses, stress, confussion, missunderstandings, no pay, failure...oh boy did I fail a lot! I don't think there are enough words in the dictionary to discribe my distaste for 2012.

Now don't get me all the way wrong, there were a lot of good times as well. Way at the top of my list, would be my Mother's victory ov…

A Que from Blaq

Deirdre is... 
Current mood: Blah
Category: Life

*Don't Read if YOU have never made mistakes!*
Hurting from what her Mother said.Hurting from what her Mother does.Tired of being lonely at night.
Thinking about what Evolution really means.
Making excuses for people instead of dealing with them head-on.
Hates how her relationship with her Mother is turning out.
Thinking it's been long enough.
Thinking too much really.
Wanting more out of life.
Hoping for bigger and better things this year.
Missing her Father finally.
Upset he made the decision he made when she was 17.
Not going to hold a grudge anymore though.
Masturbating too much these days.
Afraid she will go blind.
Laughing her butt off!
Not prepared for the future at all
Sick of games and mind tricks.
Just as screwed up as the next chick.
Still hurting from the past.
Grateful for second chances.
Starting to catch another cold.
Up at 3:46am and wants to go to sleep.
Regretting that…

The gem that the jewler refused

I am the Gem that the Jeweler Refused...
Current mood: bummed
Category: Life

As I write this, my heart is breaking. I can feel the quakes ripple inside my chest as my mind continues to recall our past. Our past...that's a funny statement when I think about it. We really didn't have much of a past, but what we did have has left a scar on my heart. I am bleeding sorrow from the pit of my soul! I just want to scream!! I can hardly breathe!!!

What could have me this un-nerved, I am losing a man that I never had...that's what.

When I first heard that he was leaving, it didn't really sink in. I guess because I thought he wouldn't really leave. Then I some how put the whole thing out of my mind, and begun the draining efforts in which to get him back. Did I really even want him back or was it all just so he wouldn't want to leave? Then I would have more time to convince him that I am the one he should b…

Hot Coco with extra Marshmallows.

I’m feeling THE "R"
Current mood: Anxious
Category: Blogging
I'm feeling THE "R" I am feeling so rejected right now. I had to say that out loud. I don'tfeel any better, but I had to say it. I had to slap the Devil in hisface with the very thing he is trying use to hurt me with. I have beendown this road so many times til it is not funny anymore. I find myselfstanding outside of myself and shaking my head thinking "how did I gethere again..." How did I get here? I walked right into the line of firethat's how. Just when I thought I was over the BIG "R" it isagain.
Allow me to introduce you to the "R" it's real name is Rejection and it
is an ugly emotion to feel. It's main purpose is to make you feel less
then adequate and unsure of yourself. I am well acquainted with this
emotion and I have been fighting like hell to get rid of it. I hate when
I …

Overdue Masterpiece

Seems Like You're Ready...

Well, today is the day, I will start dedicating myself to completing my book. That's right, I have finally decided; enough is enough! I mean, here I am helping everyone else, write, edit and submit their work; yet I remain stagnated when it comes to my own. This damn book has been about 12 years in the making. I feel like Alistair Macleod: the famous author who took 10 years writing his first collection of short stories entitled The Lost Salt Gift of Blood. I am, needless to say, quite upset with myself, and because of this, I plan on getting my entire life; and dedicating the month of September to completing this "Overdue" Masterpiece!

Any man who keeps working is not a failure. He may not be a great writer, but if he applies the old-fashioned virtues of hard, constant labor, he’ll eventually make some kind of career for himself as writer. – Ray Bradbury

Dear Gray (When Life's Throws You A Curve Ball...)

Let me start by saying, I regret nothing. Not quite sure why I had to say that off the top, however, I must have felt it necessary. I used to hate the terms: "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade!" and "Life can/will throw you a curve ball..." blah blah blah. That is until life actually threw me and curve ball, then turned around and gave me a sack full of lemons right to the head! You see, in August of 2015, I found out I was going to have you, and let me tell you - I was petrified! (I rarely get to use that word in a sentence) I mean I was thrown for the biggest loop I had ever seen. I do believe I cried almost a week. I wasn't crying because I was sad, embarrassed or even mad at the notion of becoming a mother for the first time, but rather I was amazed at becoming a mother for the first time. Seems like I had been waiting my entire life for that moment and all I could do was cry. I was overwhelmed to say the least, yet I was extremely excited abo…

Singing a new song

Image by Puzzler4879 via Flickr
As I sit here on the edge of my bed, I begin to hear a song in my heart. It then leads to my throat and all of a sudden the words come out. I have never written a song before, nor have I ever tried to write a song, however, as I began to think of all the disappointments and heart-aches I have ever experienced; the words just came out.
"I wanna let go this time. I wanna be mine all mine. I want the love that only God has for me. Don't wanna be wrong this time. I wanna be whole oh my. I want the love that only comes from being free." ~Didi