A Super-Woman's Diary

With my heart beating faster then a child that braves a roller coaster for the first time, I pick up the phone and begin to dial. 773-8....I can't believe I'm doing this. My fingers tremble with fear that my brain has relaid and I hang up fast right before the last digit is pressed. Telling myself to breathe, I begin to think of 100 reasons to make the call and 1000 reasons not to. Finally I get up enough brave to dial again...773-8..-.... all the digits are displayed on the screen. I stare at the phone as my heart skips a beat. It feels like it's about to pop right out of my chest. I am so nervous right now. What if he doesn't answer? What if he doesn't want to talk to me? What if another girl answers the phone? Forget it.....I put the phone down again. Why do I torture myself like this? Where has my nerve gone? Why does he make me feel like this? Only he can make me feel like a school girl on the first day. Scared to death! I hate this feeling. Forget it, I'm ...

This is one of the cutest, nicest e-mails .. enjoy!

Okay I think I am affraid to start a new relationship. I really do. I think I have some sort of fobia about dating someone and it actually work out. I honestly feel like I have a serious problem here, and I don't know how to fix it. I mean if a guy asks me out, I make up some dump excuse not to go out with him. I mean I literally freak out when it comes to dating someone. What the heck is wrong with me! There is this guy I am talking to right now. He seems really interesting and everything, but I feel like he is running game on me. I feel like he only wants to get me into bed with him, and the sad part is that he could be a really great guy. I mean he has a job. He owns his own home. He has a couple of buildings. No children....he seems like a pretty good guy...I'm just not sure of him. I feel so stupid. Like I see couples walking hand in hand and I want that, but when it almost happens I freak out. I think I have relationship anxiety or some mess. I swear I do. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh...

Okay so I have been blogging for about 2 1/2 years now and when I started, I only wanted to release some energy and use blogging as an outlet for all the anger, hurt and pain I was feeling. I never meant to hurt anyone with my thoughts and I certainly didn't want to make anyone upset with me. I have always been the kind of person that expressed herself via a pen and paper. I have so many Diaries and Notebooks and saved Word documents, til it is not funny. I absolutely love it. I don't know what I would do if I couldn't express myself through writing. Well earlier this year somewhere around (April-May) I found out that some of my writings and expressions of thought rubbed someone the wrong way. I mean this person was so upset with me that not only did they stop speaking to me, but they also acused me or slandering their name on another unflattering web site. Now I had nothing to do with the latter part of their claim, however I take full responsibilty for the way my writing...

Okay so this guy from my new church has been txting me and calling me and frankly working my last nerve! Yes I gave him my number and yes I agreed to one day...one day hanging out with him, but now...he gets nothing! I mean he seemed like a good guy at first, a little quirky, but harmless non the less. Then he sent me a txt msg that truly offended me first as a woman and second as a christian woman. He had the nerve to send me this txt at like 4:15 in the morning.... "I need your help if you will. See every morning I awake to a somewhat annoying friend. I have no problem making friends with him but now WOODY needs a V..." WT Flip! I could not believe what I was reading. This from a man that is supposed to be a man of God. Now I know we are not perfect and we are growing in Christ Jesus, but this was totally inappropriate. I of course let him know it and ended all convo with him after that. Well I didn't get my cell number changed for about 2 days later he calls me with so...