The Morning After...

Okay well it's the day after my 34th birthday. My BFF Linny called me
this morning and asked me how do I feel being a whole year and a day
older, and I must say I don't feel any different then I did before. I
mean I am grateful to God for another opportunity to do better and
better and better. I am just a bit dissappointed at where my life is
right now. I feel I should be in a different place. My guy Teej said
something so profound in one of his blogs. He said "My 20's were for
learning s**t. My 30 are for applying the s**t I learned" Minus the
curse words...I totally agree.

Now I have gone to school and became a teacher, but then I decided I
didn't want to do that by the time I had my own children...then I had my
3rd miscarriage and that was that. Since then I have had 2 long term
jobs at which I learned several great skills. I just feel I should be
doing more.

I woke up this morning and began to cry. Not because I was ungrateful,
but because I was sad. Sad about my life and where it is now. And all
the things I have yet done. My Bible tells me that I will have questions
about the things I only know in part, so my father understands how I
feel right now. Not that he is going to pacify my feelings or anything,
but he loves it when I vent.

I have gone through so much in the last year and a half. I have had to
move several times. Had my heart broken twice. Left my church of 10
years and was talked about by the so called saints. I've been lied on,
put down and cast out by people I thought were friends. And through out
all of this I am still standing...however I still remember and that is
the part that hurts.

I wish I could put everyone who has ever caused me pain in a room and
make them hear me. I know that will never happen, but a girl can dream
right. I was expecting something big to happen...something great. Many
of you might read this and say... "she is not seeing the big picture..."
but I am trust me. Flowing from my heart is greatfulness...I am only
expressing how I feel and for that God will bless.

My Father loves my honesty. I know he does. I will feel better soon
folks.

Matthew 26:39 "And he went a little further, and fell on his face and
prayed saying, O my Father, if it be possible, let this this cup pass
from me: nevertheless not as my will, but as thou wilt."
Until we read again...
Dee

Comments

Dirty Red said…
It sounds as if you were reading my mind.

I needed this.

Thnx
Saturday, October 13, 2007
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