A Super-Woman's Diary

"You gave her 400.00 dollars to pay some credit card debt she had, but the car you co-signed for is behind 2 months Momma!!" I am so frustrated right now I want to scream. Nothing is going good for me right now. I am having Panic Attacks again and everything. I am under so much stress right it is not funny and I have no one to talk to but the Lord, and I haven't even been doing that lately. I feel so lost and confused and lonely and hurt and by myself. I can't take another thing I swear. I didn't even ask her to co-sign for my car. I would have just waited, but she said "no I want to help you." She has not helped me yet. That's what a co-signer is for...to help in your time of need. I mean that's what I thought. I was paying every car note and maintaining my car just fine until I lost my job. And even then I was paying the note with my unemplyment checks. I never asked her for help and the minute I do she turns death ears on me. God I'm so hu...

To Me! That's right today is my Birthday. I have to say I am most excited about this particular Birthday, because I have been through so much in the past year and a half, that I earned the right to Celebrate! As I sit here and type this I feel the tears welling up in my eyes, my heart is quaking and my lips begin to quiver. As I think back on the pain, the rejection, the miss understandings and the all around hurt of 2006, I can't believe I made it through. Then when 2007 didn't get much better, I thought I was going to die! But My Father said "NO!" He gave me so much Strength, Courage and Wisdom to make it to 2008 and my Heart Rejoices! Without the Lord I don't know where I would be right now. Except for God's Grace I could be lost and depressed and all sorts of things. But God loved me enough to Carry me through and I thank Him for that. 36....and I still Look Good! How many can say that? (wink) To Me!

My dreams are so vivid at times, that once I am wake up I like to blog them so I don't forget. I didn't blog nor did I write this one down at first because I was a bit taken a back by the dream. This Dream really threw me for a loop and I didn't know what to make of it at first. Most times when I dream it is about Falling down or something or some serial murderer like Jason or somebody is trying to kill me. Well this time one of my ex-sex partners (because he was mosdefntly not my boyfriend) was trying to shoot me! Can you believe that? I was so scared when I woke up that I txted him and when he didn't txt me back (which is normal) I pulled the covers over my eyes and began to Pray. Why was he of all people trying to kill me? What was this dream really trying to tell me? Was this a warning from God to leave him alone? I was so confused. I don't know but our "relationship" is somewhat volatile in the aspect that he will use the word "we" and...

When I wake up in the morning He's there to greet me with the sun. And when I lay my head down to sleep He tucks me in and wraps me with the warm of the Moon. When I am sad He takes the hurt away with just one touch and when I am happy He rejoices with me. Today He closed my car door for me with the wind. And washed my face with the rain. When I am lonely He comforts me with His blanket of Love. And when I am lost He will look for me and bring me back safe and sound. When I feel like I can't go on, He goes before me just to work things when I get there. Today I felt like no one cared and He sang me a song...it went something like: Sometimes you/have to encourage yourself/Sometimes you/have to speak victory during the test/and no matter how you feel/speak a word and you will be healed/speak over yourself/encourge yourself/in my name. When I am hungry He feeds me a full course meal complete with Meat, Bread and a full glass of cool Water. And one time a long time ago when I was d...

Enuff Said!

If one more person uses the term "You Hatin" or "You just a hater" I think I might scream! We have gotten so out of touch with reality it is a shame. Why does a person even ask your opinion if they are going to later call you a hater? I am so over that turn of phrase it's not even funny. Here is the reason I had to blog twice in one day. A friend...well an acquaintance of mine called me at work to ask my "opinion" on an outfit she was wearing on a blind date this evening. I normally don't give out Fashion advice to everyone, because most people will do or say what this young lady said and that will make me do 1 of 2 things: A. Make me really angry. or B. Make me tell you that you look fine knowing you look a mess and send you out on the town looking a fool! Well needless to say she got the latter. I asked her to send me a photo of the outfit via an email and I would give it a look-see. She sent me the photo (taken by her with a cell phone no dou...

Know Thyself poet unknown "You do not truly know yourself unless you confront yourself in the darkness at three am... no lights to shelter you surrounding you in fake daylight no music to hide the whispers of fear no moon, no stars, nothing... Just you. With nothing between you and the Dark you face the demons in your soul and see their true face then, knowing them they are conquered... but maybe they will conquer you... are you game to take that chance? I'm not. I have never been as scared in my life as I was last night... I raced to seize the torch to protect myself I know the dark within and I do not want to see it's true face... the veiled shadows are more than enough for me. Just thinking about them sends a chill down my spine I do not need to see to believe in the darkness in my soul. I know it is there... and I fear that it is stronger than I... " I found this piece to be very interesting and wanted to post it. I have been in a dark place and felt like I woul...