I'm A Mess...Right Now!

So... I think Anthony Hamilton said it best...."You could have called, you could have wrote you could tried. I rather you slit me cross the throat so I can die. Instead of leaving with no explanation as to why... You don't want me no more" I triple dog dare somebody to say that ain't so deep S**t right there!
So while Im still..wookinpa nub in all da wong paces.... people are falling in love all around me. Don't get me wrong it was very nice to see young couples n love and what not...but I had to ask myself...."Self, what the he** are you doing wrong?" Good thing for me I didn't answer myself.
I feel like a real idiot right now! I could have sworn I was worthy of a true romance. I mean that is what I have been told since I was 11 years old. That is when I started to believe in fairytales....
My Cousin who of course got married before I did, told me that "true romance"and "love at first sight" were real and I should believe in them with all my heart...(when I see that girl again, it's gonna be some furniture moving I swear) So, I did up until about oh, let's say two weeks ago.
I saw his picture and instantly felt this connection to him that was as real as it gets...or so I thought. I mean here I was doing my best Bridget Jones, and we were really vibing...or so I thought. I always believed in 'love at first sight', I just didn't think it would ever happen to me.
Well, I have figured out what I have been doing wrong all these years...(8yrs, 172days, 8hrs and 47min to be exact) I have been to dang compromising! Yep, I Dee-Dee Roby admit it...I compromise who I am for the men I want! okay, now with that said...I will now kill myself!(sike!) but that's it. I do and say things that wouldn't normally do otherwise. And that really sucks!
So back to this guy I met and went to see without really knowing him all that well...he was just what the doctor ordered. He was tall as H*ll and smelled like heaven. He was good looking and funny. He was smart and driven. He was young and vital. Strong and sweet. Hardworking and Stable. I mean if he had any flaws it would only have been that he was a bit of a smart A** and quite the bachelor(not one single clean towel in the linen closet)..or so I thought.
We were just getting to know one another, so I should have known better then to completely let my guard down right? WRONG-O!...I not only let my guard down, I kicked that guards butt and called for the paramedics. I did and said things I wouldn't have normally done because I felt like I should...(right about now someone should be calling a shrink! cause it's obvious that I need help!) Needless to say that he has not called and we have not spoken since.
Don't feel sorry for me(those of you who are NOT lyao), cause I sure don't. I was wrong to allow myself to feel something that was only in my dreams and just a fiarytale in the first place. That still does not stop the hurt, nor does it do anything for my 'true romance' or 'love at first site' theories.
So while old couples renew their vows and new couples repeat theirs for the first time...I will be happy for them(even if deep inside I want to scratch the mens eyeballs out and snatch the dresses off every single bride from here to la la land) and continue to wait for my....my prince to finally come.
Take Care Mr. TJ:)