Honesty Hour Huh?

Okay so as I sit here partially enjoying my Movies Night alone, I am browsing twitter and I see all these trend topics about #confessionhour or #honestyhour or whatever the hell, and it got me to thinking about something I want to be honest about right now. I am sitting here thinking about a man...the man I wish I could spend the rest of my natural life with. It's so sad when you think about, because in retrospect, I don't think I really loved him at all. I think I just wanted him to love me so that will know what it feels like. i met him on my birthday - That was one of the best days of my life. I will never forget it. I will never forget how I felt that day. I am recalling it right now as a matter of fact. I wish he were right here next to me. Holding me in his arms as we watch movies #3 of Movies Night. I wish he were kissing me right now and rubbing my back softly as he whispers "I Love You Deirdre" in my ear. I wish he were here making me laugh like only he can do. I wish he were here and I was helping him put together something he no doubt broke (but has the ability to fix) because he is a a genius! I true what the Bible says about soul-ties and such. He is apart of me and I can't let go....even though i am always the one running away from him. I feel like Susannah Fincannon. She was a young woman engaged to Samuel Ludlow, when she met his family and his brother Tristan. At first glance she fell in love with him. One day when they could finally be together it was over as quickly as it started. She loved him with all her heart and soul. She loved him so much, she couldn't breathe. Of course he left her, was gang raped by some gays on a ship and she married his older brother which she did not love and eventually shot herself. I don't want to shoot myself of course, however, I do feel lonely and dead inside without him by mine. I know he may not be what God has for me, and I understand that. it's just.... I honestly love him - and that is something i will just have to live with. (sigh)