Happy Me Day...(A Throwback and then some)

(original post 2/15/06)


"Okay so yesterday marked the 26th year I spent St. Valentines Day Sans Amour aka alone in love. I used to hate Valentines Day with as much passion that could rivial any romantic movie. But this year I think I have come to grips with the fact that I am one...single...alone and not so much afraid of that idea as i used to be.
I can remember my first Valentines Day experience, it was when I was 6 years old and my Mother was taking me shopping for a new pair of shoes. (even at 6 I was a shoe diva:) Anyway, we went to a department store and I saw all the beautiful decorations, pretty pink and red boxes and paper and the most beautiful ribbon I had ever seen. Then I saw grown ups buying things like jewelry, candy and candles. My Mother told me that they were buying those things for their husband/wives or girlfriends/boyfriends. I thought that was the most beautiful thing I had ever heard of. I mean the fact that someone thought so much of someone that they wanted to make them smile. And that person was going to recieve one of those special gifts. Imagine how that person was going to feel when they were presented with that special gift from that special some one...oh it made me smile just thinking about it. I couldn't wait til I was old enough to get married or have a boyfriend so I could experience Valentines Day in that way.

Well needless to say that 26 years have gone by and I have yet to recapture that feeling I felt when I was 6 years old. However, every year my Mother always gives me a box of chocolates and that makes me feel special enough. I won't tell you guys some lame a** speech about how "I Love myself and that is enough for me"...shooks I wrote and published that bullish. But I do feel that every man and woman wants and needs to feel special...so I declare everyday Valentines Day so that all the lonely ppl won't feel to bad. *wink* Sans Amour'...did I spell that right?"

Now when I wrote this post I have to say I was a bite ticked off and I was trying to make things less hurtful and complicated in my mind. I think I woke up on Valentines Day morning and cried my eyes out. If I am not mistaken, to the point where I literally could not see. Why is it that the older Women get, the more sensitive we get? What ever happen to the "I am Woman hear me roar" Woman that we used to be? and if any woman utters "I have never felt that way..." they LIE!

This year I believe is going to be the hardest one of all my years being Sans Armor. Due to the fact that this year I finally did something I should have done a long time ago, and it will be a test of whether I believe what God is going to do in my life. And let me tell you this...it don't feel nice...but I wouldn't make any other choice other then the one I made New Years Eve 2006.

Being alone when I was with someone was hard but, it didn't stop my flow. I knew that I wasn't the only one and I knew he was more then likely spending Valentines Day with her, but I felt like somewhere under all that mistreatment, was a physical body and sooner or later he would call me and make that ish up. Now, I know better and I have no one (which is alright with me now) and it feels worst some how. However, just like Jesus got me through those lonely nights, HE will get me through these.

This is NOT the Valentines Day Post!

U.W.R.A:)