The Heart Gets Stronger Everytime You Use It...A quote from Felicity

Okay so I was at work today and I was feeling fine...you know like any other day...Then all of a sudden this feeling of sadness just engulfed me like an inferno. I began to cry and literally could not stop. Well eventually I got a grip on myself and things got back to normal. Then after work I took a stroll through the mall, not to make a purchase which I am proud to announce was a success! Anyway, as I was peering into the Macy's window like a friggin peeping tom, I saw someone who I thought I would never see in a million years. He literally looked the same as he did the last time I saw him. I mean it was almost as if he was wearing the exact same outfit he was wearing when we said what was to be our final "see you"
Well once I snapped out of the whole starring thing, I gathered my thoughts and darted off in the opposite direction of Macy's all together. (See I told you I didn't buy nothing) I walked so fast back to my car and sat there all slumped down in the driver's seat like I didn't want anyone to see me. I felt like I did back when this guy and I were...well we weren't dating, and we weren't sleeping together...well that was a lie, when slept together once or twice...or thrice. You see he was guy I lost my virginity to and I just thought he was the MOST! I used to sneak out of the house to go watch him drive his motorcycle on Dottie Rd...and I was a full grown woman folks! I was 22 when I met him and 23 when I gave away the most precious gift I owned...I'm not talking about me virginity, I'm talking about my heart. You see I am one of those kinds of ppl that one would call a 'hopeless romantic' and I am...I want to be happy and I love the thought of being in love. Being with that special someone who just makes you float. Well, I knew this guy was not the 'floating' type, but I liked him anyway. In fact I liked him so much, I chose him to be my first. I was such a lame a**...I thought my sweet heart would change him from a player to a 'one woman man'...well boy in his case. NOT SO MUCH! He never saw me the same way I saw him and that was the beginning of all my problems.
When we said "see you" the last time I saw him, I knew it was forever but I just didn't want to believe it. So I tried to hang out every where I knew he did, just to get a glance at him. It was horrible. And everytime I saw him my heart only broke more and more each time. I can't even remember the last time my heart wasn't broken in some way or another. But I still tunnel through life and try to experience new things and new ppl all the time...Regardless of pain. This is why I am so afraid to approach men...for the very first time I did, he scared me for life...well 10 years of it.
I drove around for a while in the rain coming to a stop light and seeing a young couple kissing in the rain. It was sort of nice to see, but also made me feel alone again so I was done looking at them. I went and paid my rent and got myself a Kentucky Fried Chicken Mash Potato Bowl and came on home. Upon arrivng home and settling in, I chked my email and blog for comments and wouldn't you know I got inspired. Xavier, one of my new blog buddies left me a comment on the last post I did and it inspired me to call hottie dude (Scott) back. (Thanks X) We talked for about a good 45 min and made plans to meet up for lunch tomorrow. As I sat at my computer reflecting on a day that I will never see again, I realized one oh so important thing. I was so sad earlier today and that pain brought forth a memory via someone from my past that had caused me great pain. Then that same pain made me stronger enough to call and see what the future holds with someone new....wow I guess Felicity was right..."...the heart (does) get stronger everytime you use it..."

...A New Version Of Me...Almost Complete

U.W.R.A:)