One Day You Won't Recognize Yourself...

First I Would like to say thank you to all my blog buddies who gave their support and remedies while I was sick as a DOG...I love you guys! Now that I feel murch murch better, I must tell you guys about my afternoon.

I woke up this morning feeling a little better then the night before, so I decided to get up and get out and do something. Well first I went to the bank and checked my account and made sure I had enough money to spend while I was out. I felt like spending some ridiculous money, so before I grabbed all that stuff and put it on the counter I had to be sure that the little embarrassment police weren't going to be lurking around the counter at check out time. If you know what I mean...*snip snip* While I was out I picked up my youngest nephew from his new school and I bump into one of my exes picking up his nephew as well.

Now the ex in question is like my "Big" from sex in the city, but unlike Carrie I didn't end up with My Big in the end like she did. There is still apart of me that would like to be in his life again but I am afraid...plus I am crushing on that dude I told you guys about so I'm trying to build up my brave for that. I am a one man woman and that's just how I like it. However for some reason my emotions are all over the place these days...wtf? I need to re-group or some ish for real. Well while we were waiting for our nephews to get their things together, we had a nice little chat. Now before I disclose the conversation we had let me tell you a little bit about my "Big". He is an heir to a well known hotel chain and he owns about 10 brownstones. He is very smart and is an active member of the UNCF. We meet at an event held at the Harold Washington Library back in 2002. I thought he was the best guy I had ever met. I mean I thought he had no flaws...that is until I found out that he had some serious relationship anxieties! I mean this dude can not commit...will not commit...Can not will not in a box. Can not will not with a fox...WTF?

Seeing him gave me three types of feelings inside: Happiness, Anger and Horniness (is that a word...well tonight it is) HAH! now that's funny! A part of me wanted to slap the h*ll out of him while another part was happy to give him a warm embrace, and the last part of me was hoping he would ask me out because we were very good together...if you know what I mean *one raised eyebrow* He introduced me to a wonderful world and I am forever grateful for that. Why can't he just get the h*ll over his relationship issues and marry me for Christ sakes! I wanna grab him by the collar and just shake him until all that mess just falls off of him....I'm back from my Ally McBeal moment now. Our conversation went something like this......

My "Big": Dee?
Me: (Turning around sort of fast) Yeah...(looking up from my tossed hair)
My "Big": I thought that was you. No one else can toss their hair quite the way you can.
Me: Well you know me...(tossing my hair some more...why do I do that)
My "Big": So...imagine us meeting at our nephews school. Funny right?
Me: No what's funny is that fact that you are the only male parent here in a 4000 dollar suit. Well your not a parent ....are you?
My "Big": No. (smiling that mesmerizing smile)
Me: So tell me...why are you picking up your nephew anyway?
My "Big" : Well she couldn't pick up her son and get her nails and feet done at the same time now could she. So I was in the neighborhood and told her I would be more then happy too.
Me: In the neighborhood? Right...this is 27th and Dearborn what are you doing over here...casing the projects? Shooks if his school wasn't over here I wouldn't be.
My "Big" : Come on this is one of best...upscale schools in Chicago. Isn't that why your nephew attends? I know you did your research.
Me: Yeah well....*wink* Well, I have to go...so ummmm take care (walking away...slowly)
My "Big" : Are you busy this evening?
Me: (pausing for a moment) I'll have to...check my schedule. (slight laughter)
My "Big" : Well check your schedule and let me know. (kissing me on the cheek and walking away....D*mn...I wanted to walk away first)

Well after I checked my "schedule" I gave him a call and met him at his place. When I got there we talked and played catch up until dinner. I was soooooooooooo hungry that I could have eaten the freaking plates, but I was cool about the whole thing and ate like a lady...Opposed to devouring the whole meal right before his eyes. I was having a good time then....he touched me...on the shoulder. Then we kissed...it was nice until...I had a flash back of the things we used to do and the pain that our relationship caused me. I was so busy trying make him a marrying man that I lost myself some how. I knew if I stayed there with him that (even though it would have been wonderful) I would only be falling back into that same old unhealthy love that had me in bondage before. So I kissed him on the cheek, gathered my things and went home. It was hard but it had to be done. D*mn it! why do I have to be so d*mn noble?

I made it home in time for Girlfriends, so I took my bath combed my hair and grabbed my remote and my newly acquired craving for applesauce (go figure) and crawled my loney self into my big ol comfy bed and laughed and cried while watching Joan almost make a fool out of herself with Brock (I think that was Malik Yoba's name on Girlfriends) Anyhoo it's late and I need to go to sleep.

.......I'm Different:)