Trains, Babies and Tears

Okay so I am feeling a little sad right now. I feel like crying but the tears just won't come out. Maybe that is just the Lord's way of telling me to get over myself. I don't know...all I know is that I am sad. I was on the bus yesterday on my way home and when the bus driver finally reached the bus terminal, after being held up by a train that took forever to go pass, there were five loud boisterous women waiting to get on. They each had a little baby either in a stroller or on their hip....little babies...Practically newborns. Anyway, they get on and they are just as loud as they could be. Calling one another the "B" word and cursing up a storm. One girl in particular had her baby on one arm and a cigarette in her hand...blowing smoke all in the baby's face. It made me sick to my stomach I tell you that. I was so out done. They get on and hold up the line of other people waiting to get on. and one girl let's her babies stroller down and leaves it in the middle of the bus floor. I could not believe it. Then the five women who were scattered about on the bus, held loud conversations with each other at this almost annoying loud pitch. Why did they do this you say...cause they were far from one another and yet they still had the notion to hold a conversation. ridiculous. Now some things I complain about can be construed as me being "too much of a diva" picking on little things, but this one I can't let go. Thennnn the girl with the stroller that was left in the floor, sits her baby down on the seat unprotected and leaves him there to have a conversation with her friends. WTF? I am not making this ish up! The baby was bobbling and falling on the man seated next to him and she didn't seem to care. The bus was making sudden stops and the baby was just swaying from side to side. I was so nervous I could have thrown up. It was horrible.
I couldn't for the life of me figure out how these women were able to have children and I have none. It just simply breaks my heart. I have tried in the past to have children, and I suffered miscarriages every time. Then some doctor had the nerve to tell me that I might not be able to have children. I asked him was he God...and when he said "No" I told him not to speak that in my life then.

God told me that there is nothing I couldn't bring to him in prayer, so I asked him last night why don't I have any children? I asked him why did those girls have children and not me? I asked him what made them so special that they get to raise children and I don't? I asked him did he see what they were doing? Did he see how they were acting? I just asked any and everything I could think to ask him at that moment. See God told me I would have questions and he told me it was okay to ask why. He also told me that HIS way is not my way...therefore I will only know in part. God is such a good God for he allows me to boohoo and cry on his shoulders and sob like a baby, but then he gets me right together. I have to realize that my time is not HIS time and that he is making me ready for the things that he has for me. Waiting is the hardest part about Salvation folks I will tell you that much. It's easy to let friends go when HE tells you to. It's easy to stop going places HE tells you to. It's easy to shut your mouth when HE tells you to. So why is it so dang hard to wait?
This is not my last time feeling this way. HE has already told me that much. I will just have to watch for the signs of this feeling next time that's all. The last thing I asked before I went to sleep was "Why me Lord...Why me?" And you know what he said...."Why not you?" HE tells me that alot you know....:)

Have you ever wanted something and couldn't understand why you didn't have it yet?

U.W.R.A:)