It's September...I Wonder What He's Doing Right Now?

*This one is long...Grab a sandwich:)*

Okay so I have been thinking about one of my ex's lately. His name is "T" and I tell you he had my nose WIDE THE F**K OPEN! . There was something about him...he seemed to take my breathe away ya'll. We met on my birthday in 2001 and I guess I have some type of weird fixation with the month of September....well aside from the fact that it's my birthday month!!

Okay so we met on my birthday. I was working at the time at this school in the Hyde Park area and I was waiting on the 55th street bus on the corner of 55th and Cottage Grove. There was this young girl standing there and she was talking to her self. Now I was trying not look at her crazy a** but I could help it, she was holding a very intense conversation with herself!! Anyway He drives by and our eyes meet for what seemed like forever and then he drives off. Well I thought to myself..."man you should have said something dumba**!" Well don't you know he came back around the corner and stopped his car right in front of me. (thank God) I was trying to maintain my freakin cool but he could see right through that sh*t I knew it. Well he goes into how he was hoping that by the time he got back I would still be there. He told me his name and I told him mine then he offered me a ride to school...wtf? To School? How did this young brother know where I worked? Well as it turned out he thought I was on my way get this....HIGH SCHOOL!! "Man listen here, I'm 28 years old...high school for me is over believe that." I thought it was rather flattering of him to say, however why was he flirting with a minor anyway with his 21 year old behind...huh? lol:)

He was talking real good game and what not. He even offered to take the crazy young lady where she was going (thinking she and I were together...not even!!) I (which was dumb I know) jumped in his car and took that ride that was offered to me. What?? Shooks I was sick of waiting on that slow a** bus:) It was a very pleasant ride. I told him it was my birthday (telling the truth Teej...wink) and he offered to take a girl out for her birthday. Now how many of you would pass up a FREE dinner/movie from a fine ass guy itchin to spend his hard earned money? I didn't think so:) He came to pick me up and we had a very nice time talking and getting to know one another. That was a very memorable birthday I tell you that. He was a perfect gentleman the whole night. He really impressed me with all the plans he had for his life and where he saw himself in the years to come. We began seeing each shortly after that night and everything was good....until the sudden change out of nowhere occurred.

At first it was beautiful then I woke up one day and saw that it was not all that I thought it was. He was a very sweet guy don't get me wrong, he was just leading a double life that I was having a wee bit of a problem digesting. You see he had this "ex-girlfriend" (notice the quotations) who was still in his life for some strange reason. She was very nasty towards him while they were together and that was the apparent reason for their "break-up" (there go those darn quotations again) Little things started to take place like: we would make plans and half way through those plans he would have to go see about his "friend" (one eyebrow raised) and would tell me he would be right back. Now he would always come right back, he just would never talk about where he went or what happen when he got there. Then he would change his answering machine msg like every other day...wtf? I asked him what that was all about and he of course gave me some lame ass excuse for why he does that. Then this was the thing that got me the most...he was at my house installing something and got a phone call. He told me he had to run out and while he was out he would pick up the piece I needed for my T.V in order to finish the installation process. Well folks when he left it was somewhere around 8:45...dude didn't come back until about 2:30 in the morning ya'll!! wtf? I was at home like "this dude went to get a loaf of bread and he ain't never coming back..." We talked about it because he could see the steam and smoke coming from my head and knew he was in some deep sh*t....that's when I find out about HER! They were still friends and she needed him to take her back to school...which was in Carbondale or somewhere wtf? I was glad he told me the (half of) truth, but I was one pissed off individual trust and know. Throughout our "on again off again" relationship he would still have dealings with her in some kind of way.

Well during the very last "off again" we had, I did something so stupid. I mean now that I think about it I could slap myself for it. He told me or I told him...(which ever) that we should chill out for a while...but how many of you know that when you are in like (really bad) you do some dumba** stuff? It was about 12:oo midnight and he was on my mind really bad. So I get up (and at that time I did not have a car) and take the bus allllllllll the way to his house just to put a letter on his windshield. Now I hear you asking yourself...she's already at his house, why doesn't she just ring the bell and give it to him her damn self? Well at the time I was trying to be strong and I knew if I rang his bell, we would end up having sex and back "on again" and that was not the reason for my note. So I put the damn note on the car and left. In my letter I was telling him how happy I was when we first met, and how I wish we could go back to that. I said a whole lot of other things that I just couldn't say to him face to face. I was a punk for real...I admit it. Oh yeah I'm the first one to admit my flaws and 'Punkism' is one of them!

Well needless to say when he finally saw the letter he was not a happy camper. Apparently he and his old girlfriend had gotten back together and she noticed the letter on the windshield before he did....ooooops! He called me yelling and cursing about how my letter caused them to have an argument and what not. It was a mess! Later on that month I found out I was pregnant and the stress of our strained relationship caused me to mis-carry...either that or God knew what he was doing:) I saw him twice since the whole mis-carriage situation and we were very cordial towards one another. That's how I do anyway folks...if a person hurts me I kill their ass with kindness!!:)

I don't know I guess I have been so lonely these past couple of days that thinking about him sound like a good idea. I was reading one of my blogger buddies posts and she had written this letter to her ex but had never given it him. She wrote it to get some things off her chest. I guess that is what I just did by writing this post right here. I still have love for his ol heartbreaking ass, but I would never want to be in a relationship with him again...I'm still trying to get out of this one. 

I wonder what he's doing right now.....Cause I miss him sooooo much..... 

*Dee Dee rolling over crying*